Almost as long as I have been reading, I'm been writing and telling stories. A lot of my earliest stuff has since been erased from anything and everything because they were so embarrassing, but I have a portable hard drive full of all the different things I've tried to write over the years. Probably even before I knew it was an option, I've wanted to be a writer. Usually this was along side my other widely varied career choices, such as marine biologist, journalist, librarian, crime scene investigator, etc. But being a writer has stuck around the longest.
Of course, I'm not the greatest at writing. Sure, I've heard more than my fair share of good things about what I do write, along with a good deal of constructive criticism that has helped me along the way, but I have zero completed projects, even after writing for as long as I have. It's sort of been an on again off again hobby with delusions of grandeur.
And everything sort of fell apart when I discovered the time-consuming world of the internet, specifically YouTube. Suddenly I was spending all my time watching things instead of reading or writing. And then it got worse when I discovered K-Pop and Korean Dramas. Because then instead of reading and writing I was spending hours and days staring at a computer or TV screen watching TV or music videos. And then the Air Force happened and suddenly even time to do that was gone.
Last year I read an embarrassing grand total of 25 books, most of them in the last three months. And the novel that I have been working on since I was 16 still doesn't have a single usable word written. Essentially my life has kind of stalled, again.
My life happens in fits and starts. Sometimes I'm progressing forwards with a lot of momentum, and other times it feels like my life is going no where. While I was studying Korean in California, my life was moving forward. I was progressing with a goal, and I was getting things done, at least in one aspect of my life. Now that I'm not doing any kind of training anymore and I'm just working, my life has become stuck again, much like how it was before I joined the military. And I don't know how to jump-start it again. It's not like I can join the military, since I'm already in.
I've been thinking about this a lot this last weekend, mostly because I was bedridden with some pretty nasty cramps and had nothing else to do but think of how my life reached this point. I still haven't made a decision, but I feel pretty close to one. Like it's sitting at the tip of my brain, just waiting to come out. Much like when you're trying to think of a word but can't quite remember what it is.
I want to get my life going again. I want to have a life that is full of progression and forward movement and excitement. I just have to come up with a way to bring that back.
Any ideas?
Have you ever had a moment in your life where you felt static? I'd love to hear about it and how you got through it!
Thanks for reading!
I go through this every once in a while. You said it yourself when you said that while you were learning Korean things were going well. The answer is to never stop learning. Kdramas and books feed the same kind of need for narrative in our lives that if we aren't careful can consume us. They are fun and meaningful to us but do not fulfill that part of us that is constantly wanted to learn and experience. It is harder for introverts to get out there and put themselves in situations where they are learning, most of us want to get it from a book or the internet. But real fulfillment comes from more than just quiet moments or reflection, we also need to do. The first step I would say to you...get your temple recommend to go to the temple and do baptisms. take a day and go to seoul and take your prayers and questions to the temple and the Lord.
ReplyDeleteYou have diagnosed the problem: fits and starts. Ralph Moody's Uncle Levi was fond of telling Ralph "Slow and steady goes far in a day." That's one of my favorite sayings. Perhaps if you choose more modest goals or break down the big one into modest parts that will eventually add up to the big one you would have a better success rate. Steady progress is good, even if small or slow, the steadiness keeps us moving forward. The more you get out and experience life and service and friendship with others, the more you will have to draw upon when writing, rather than copying something you've seen online. You are a wonderful woman and I love your enthusiasm for life--now get out there and live it! (Melody's advice is really good too.)
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